Who Knew?

I was suppose to do full time ministry. Work at a church, be a missionary, help a church, be on staff or something. Travel and change the world, one nation at a time. I was gonna be a worship leader, a prophet, an exhorter and encourager. Possibly even a counselor. I thought I might be a professor, a teacher, and a cake maker...

I'm now a secretary. When I was five. I wanted to be cake maker. I thought Reading Rainbow gave a pretty convincing description of the job and decided I would like to do that one day. Then I grew up in church and realized I wanted to change the world for God by spreading the gospel. I realized there was a spiritual battle going on and I wanted to join God's army.

Then I started training, being mentored by leaders in my church. I grew up in a lot of ways. I learned a lot of teachings and gained a lot of wisdom. Then I felt for sure it was time for me to go out into the world. So I was then convince to go to college. I finished thinking I might go to grad school but first needed to live abroad for a year to learn more about the world and discover if I could live abroad for the rest of my life as a missionary.

I came back disappointed in my failings. Saddened by my weakness and hopeful that I could salvage my relationships that were somewhat neglected in my absence. Some of those were, some weren't.

In the end I decided family and friends meant more to me than I ever knew. I realize now, that family and friends have become a strong tie that I can't let go of. I may not be near them always but being in another continent is something completely different.

So I decided to stay in Texas. Do short term missions when possible and live as a minister to those who I encounter.

I'm a secretary. I've been a nanny, a waitress, a hostess, a filing clerk, a teacher, a student recruiter, a library worker, nursery worker, student...
But what I really want to be is Passion. Love. Joy. Fruitful. A mother. A WIFE. A lover. A Princess. A blossoming flower who offers life to those who see her. This is who I am and this is who I want to be. Beautiful and offering it to be a contagious gift. Beauty for others and beauty to God. Loving and Pure. Not selfish and not stained by the world's lies. Giving hope and a purpose to those searching. Offering rest for the forsaken and hurting, The lost. I will and am a Life giver. I am His.

What am I doing?

I've been going and going for the past 6 or 8 years and now... I traveled to 16 countries in that time period. I'm stopping. Well pausing really. I had it in my heart since I was a sophomore or junior in high school (maybe earlier) to be a missionary. So I traveled to every country I could get the chance to vist. I was wanting to see where I was called to go as a missionary.

Well 6-8 years later, I'm here in Dallas, TX. And I feel like I'm called to be here, at least for this moment. I feel like staying, I've never had that desire to stay. I might get antsy and leave after a few months. But, for now I want to hear where I should go next. I always felt like "GO" was what I was called to. Right now, I still feel that is a part of my calling but I'm not sure when or where yet. So I'm pausing and waiting. And I'm ok with it. I'm not rushing it. :-)

I just know, that I would rather be here and listening to God than going somewhere I wasn't supposed to go and not listening to Him. So until I know when and where. I'm staying here for a bit.

Hands and Feet

Today I was listening to a radio station. And they were speaking about supporting the children of Mozambique. I was touched when the speaker spoke of the children and how God would actually curse those who rejected the cry of the poor. I can't remember what scripture he was quoting... but I thought "Wow! I want to help the poor but how am I doing it?" I've helped out at shelters some but I want to do soo much more.

I think about the different countries I've been where I've encountered the poor and their stories. One of those places was Rio De Janeiro, Brazil. I read a book about the Favelas. It was soo disheartening and alarming what the people in the Favelas must live in. I didn't go into the favelas but I did see them from far off. The people who live there are stuck in a horrible poverty cycle that is almost impossible to escape. I was talking to a friend who helps orphans from Favelas go to school. She and her husband are Brazilian but live in the states and have a company that works out of Brazil but they also work in the U.S. I wanted to do something to be a part... I have the option of paying $38.00 to support a child as well as the opportunity to tell everyone I know about this need. If you get the chance check out this website.

There are soo many places, people, and causes to stand up for to contribute to. This is just one young woman's wish for you to check this one out and ask you if you would like to help if you can.

Everyday

When I was a teenager. Not that long ago. I went to summer camp every year. It was awesome. One song that I remember being my favs back then was "Everyday" It went

"Everyday it's you I live for, Everyday I follow after you...".

I sang it and hoped to live it daily. I wanted to live for God each day.

I did a lot of praying in high school. I think I grew so confident in who God was making me into. But, when college came around with guys, love, job aspirations, dreams, and failed dreams... Living for God was sometimes pushed to the side and living for me became a much easier thing.

So, I came to CFNI's School of Worship. Pursuing this dream. Then I realized a lot of my motivation for this dream was self motivated. I mostly wanted more confidence, but I found that I wanted more acceptance, approval and praise for myself as well.

But, I went to the wrong school to get puffed up. Instead any balloon of pride I held was popped. Still hearing the popping actually. It's good. And I realize more than anything. I want to make each day a gift to God by listening and obeying and just being with Him. AND ALSO... by serving Him. I realized that I had began to serve myself. I feel like I live for myself sometimes still. I have to remember to not compartmentalize my life. But to give it all to Him. To ask Him to join me in every place I go, in everything I do. So that He can work through me in each of those places and I don't get in the way. "For it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me" Galations 2:20.