Who Knew?

I was suppose to do full time ministry. Work at a church, be a missionary, help a church, be on staff or something. Travel and change the world, one nation at a time. I was gonna be a worship leader, a prophet, an exhorter and encourager. Possibly even a counselor. I thought I might be a professor, a teacher, and a cake maker...

I'm now a secretary. When I was five. I wanted to be cake maker. I thought Reading Rainbow gave a pretty convincing description of the job and decided I would like to do that one day. Then I grew up in church and realized I wanted to change the world for God by spreading the gospel. I realized there was a spiritual battle going on and I wanted to join God's army.

Then I started training, being mentored by leaders in my church. I grew up in a lot of ways. I learned a lot of teachings and gained a lot of wisdom. Then I felt for sure it was time for me to go out into the world. So I was then convince to go to college. I finished thinking I might go to grad school but first needed to live abroad for a year to learn more about the world and discover if I could live abroad for the rest of my life as a missionary.

I came back disappointed in my failings. Saddened by my weakness and hopeful that I could salvage my relationships that were somewhat neglected in my absence. Some of those were, some weren't.

In the end I decided family and friends meant more to me than I ever knew. I realize now, that family and friends have become a strong tie that I can't let go of. I may not be near them always but being in another continent is something completely different.

So I decided to stay in Texas. Do short term missions when possible and live as a minister to those who I encounter.

I'm a secretary. I've been a nanny, a waitress, a hostess, a filing clerk, a teacher, a student recruiter, a library worker, nursery worker, student...
But what I really want to be is Passion. Love. Joy. Fruitful. A mother. A WIFE. A lover. A Princess. A blossoming flower who offers life to those who see her. This is who I am and this is who I want to be. Beautiful and offering it to be a contagious gift. Beauty for others and beauty to God. Loving and Pure. Not selfish and not stained by the world's lies. Giving hope and a purpose to those searching. Offering rest for the forsaken and hurting, The lost. I will and am a Life giver. I am His.