WIMP! I heard it A LOT growing up. Oh believe me I tried to prove them otherwise. Sometimes fighting back as hard as I could! Unfortunately, I wasn't very successful. Well, maybe it is fortunate.
The result: I am not going out for the role of Wonder Woman. You know the women who say "God won't give me more than I can handle" and just grin and bear it all through life. In fact, I tend to overreact when first faced with complications and troubles. I now proudly confess to being a wimp. In fact that's kind of my life's philosophy on much of the things that I encounter. You may think "Wow, she is so weak and pathetic. What a cry baby." Well, sometimes, Yeah, I am.
I will admit I have to ask for help A LOT. I like advise. Yet, each time I learn something new and I usually gain a wealth of information from the situation. In fact, with the knowledge of my weaknesses I know I can Always go to God and ask him for help. I don't worry about how I failed to achieve doing it on my own. Nope, I like leaning on God and even those who love me and will help me. I am truly grateful for them. I ask God to take difficult things away too- burdens, loneliness, fears and frustrations that are heavy to carry. I ask him to guide me through my struggles and the storms of my life. I don't agree with the mindset that this is the hand we are dealt and we just have to live with it and do the best we can. NOPE.
I could "Be Strong" and carry every burden and trouble I face all by myself but I figure a lot people have already proven their amazing Will Power and Strength against difficult odds. I wouldn't be the first one to be called Wonder Woman. I wouldn't be really special because I chose to prove how tough I am. There are so many things that I have asked God to take from me because I truly didn't want to handle them alone. Sometimes I knew I could handle them but I just didn't want to. I probably would survive doing things on my own but I believe I don't have to be Superwoman and I don't want to be. In fact, it is when I ask God for help that I realize how faithful he is to deliver even when I feel so very undeserving. I feel like WOW! You didn't even have to do that God, I would have been ok really but you chose to do that for me just because of your Amazing love for your daughter.
Thankfully God does take the things I can't handle away many times. Other times, I have had to lean on him. In those troubling times he gives me strength that I don't have on my own. I've definitely faced things that I really hated. Things that made me feel like there was no way I would get past it. Things that made me want to stop trying in life. Just give up. Quit. What's the point anymore. It can be frustrating at first when you face trials. You ask "why me". Sometimes I get angry thinking "God, why aren't you taking this away?" Then he gently shows me he is with me and everything will be ok. He shows me that eventually I will be able to see relief. He helps me see there will be someone that I will encounter in life that I will be able to help who is going through a similar situation. Slowly, I start to feel lighter. Sometimes it takes days, other times it takes months but I eventually realize God is carrying the load as I begin to trust Him...
God helps me through each trial whether it's providing the strength or taking the issue away altogether. One thing I know is: No issue has been too big or too small for my God. He is faithful and Good even when I don't understand.
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
He's Home!
He is HOME!
I know military wives around the world can truly empathize with these feelings of Relief, Joy, Thankfulness, and just all around Excited that my husband is home after a 45 day TDY. No it's really not that long of an absence compared to a 1 year deployment but being a part from each other no matter how long the time, distance and circumstances is not fun or desirable.
As soon as he got home he was notified that his schedule is changing to inconvenient days and times off that don't correlate with my work schedule at all. In turn, I get frustrated, sad and conflicted once again. I try to stay positive but it's difficult. The last thing I want to do is be unsupportive or make him think I'm mad at him. It isn't him, it's the schedule and the likelyhood we won't see each other as much. My husband's schedule hasn't stayed the same for longer than a month for the past 7 months since he returned home from his deployment, you'd think I'd be used to this by now... Well, I am used to the changes in some ways and am not used to them in other ways. Every change in his schedule leads me to calculate every possible time we will get to see each other in the week and times we can actually get quality talking times for longer than 2 minutes. I also think of all the activities I'm involved in that conflict with his new schedule and stress over how my schedule will cause us to see each other less... I feel guilty for causing more seperation that necessary. Then I try and assure myself that the things I am involved in are completely legitamate and helpful for my spiritual walk. Can you say overanalyzer?
I learned some things while my husband was away on deployment last summer. We read the book 5 Love languages. My top love language being quality time is not easy to fulfill when your husband is miles away! It's also difficult when he works hours that are opposite of you. Yet, he has done a wonderful job of reaching out to me and talking with me as regularly as he can. I love how much and how well he loves me! It is something I hope he can teach others. You see he doesn't just love me the way he thinks he would want to be loved, he seeks to love me in ways that I desire! That is just so important. He teaches me a lot by how he loves me. He stretches me because I want to learn to love like he does, selflessly and without any selfish gain. We all could learn from this example. This is how Jesus loves us. Selflessly. He died so we could live. He freed us from our own self destruction. It's pretty amazing. One thing being married has taught me is that you can always love more. It isn't a limited thing. Your capacity just keeps growing.
Something the Army has taught me is change will happen and we can't get stuck in one pattern of thinking or too comfortable with one schedule. I'd say God allows the Army to take the sense of security and control out of my hands so that He can lead me to refocus and lean on God again and trust Him to be my source of security and to be the one who is ultimately in control of all things. "He sets the governing authorities in place" "He works all things for the good of those who love Him". I lean on these verses constantly. Without God's promises I would be a frazzled mess. Thankfully after my freak out moments with each new change I feel a peace and I start to trust again. I don't trust that the Army has the best in mind for my husband and I. But I Truly believe God has the best in mind for us. He loves us sooo much and he knows our every need.
I know military wives around the world can truly empathize with these feelings of Relief, Joy, Thankfulness, and just all around Excited that my husband is home after a 45 day TDY. No it's really not that long of an absence compared to a 1 year deployment but being a part from each other no matter how long the time, distance and circumstances is not fun or desirable.
As soon as he got home he was notified that his schedule is changing to inconvenient days and times off that don't correlate with my work schedule at all. In turn, I get frustrated, sad and conflicted once again. I try to stay positive but it's difficult. The last thing I want to do is be unsupportive or make him think I'm mad at him. It isn't him, it's the schedule and the likelyhood we won't see each other as much. My husband's schedule hasn't stayed the same for longer than a month for the past 7 months since he returned home from his deployment, you'd think I'd be used to this by now... Well, I am used to the changes in some ways and am not used to them in other ways. Every change in his schedule leads me to calculate every possible time we will get to see each other in the week and times we can actually get quality talking times for longer than 2 minutes. I also think of all the activities I'm involved in that conflict with his new schedule and stress over how my schedule will cause us to see each other less... I feel guilty for causing more seperation that necessary. Then I try and assure myself that the things I am involved in are completely legitamate and helpful for my spiritual walk. Can you say overanalyzer?
I learned some things while my husband was away on deployment last summer. We read the book 5 Love languages. My top love language being quality time is not easy to fulfill when your husband is miles away! It's also difficult when he works hours that are opposite of you. Yet, he has done a wonderful job of reaching out to me and talking with me as regularly as he can. I love how much and how well he loves me! It is something I hope he can teach others. You see he doesn't just love me the way he thinks he would want to be loved, he seeks to love me in ways that I desire! That is just so important. He teaches me a lot by how he loves me. He stretches me because I want to learn to love like he does, selflessly and without any selfish gain. We all could learn from this example. This is how Jesus loves us. Selflessly. He died so we could live. He freed us from our own self destruction. It's pretty amazing. One thing being married has taught me is that you can always love more. It isn't a limited thing. Your capacity just keeps growing.
Something the Army has taught me is change will happen and we can't get stuck in one pattern of thinking or too comfortable with one schedule. I'd say God allows the Army to take the sense of security and control out of my hands so that He can lead me to refocus and lean on God again and trust Him to be my source of security and to be the one who is ultimately in control of all things. "He sets the governing authorities in place" "He works all things for the good of those who love Him". I lean on these verses constantly. Without God's promises I would be a frazzled mess. Thankfully after my freak out moments with each new change I feel a peace and I start to trust again. I don't trust that the Army has the best in mind for my husband and I. But I Truly believe God has the best in mind for us. He loves us sooo much and he knows our every need.
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